Mad-MondayFrom the Urban Dictionary:

1. hater
A person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person. Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesn’t really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock someone else down a notch.

Susan: You know, Kevin from accounting is doing very well. He just bought a house in a very nice part of town.
Jane (hater): If he is doing so well why does he drive that ’89 Taurus?

What is wrong with people like the imaginary Jane?  I have a few of them in my immediate vicinity.  Even on the rare occasion that they must compliment something, it is tied to an insult.

What Jane says: Yeah, for a ‘student’ film that was ok.
What Jane meant for you to hear: Student films suck, but that was less sucky than most.

What horrible thing happened to poor ‘Jane’ in her past that makes it impossible for her to simply be kind?

I understand the temptation to knock down the things you don’t like.  I don’t like the Twilight books. BUT I’m not going to tell someone else that they shouldn’t read those books, or think less of someone for enjoying them.  The joy I get from a good read is like nothing in the world, I am happy for anyone who can also find that joy, no matter the source.

Who am I to deride the opinions of others?

When I start talking to someone else about how much I love Doctor Who, I don’t expect Jane to join in the conversation.  It would be polite, however, if she would refrain from rolling her eyes.  And I would really appreciate it if she wouldn’t stand up abruptly, stomp out of the room and slam the door behind her simply because the conversation has moved on to a topic she doesn’t like.  I did not whine and pout like a bored child while she spoke about her navel hair collection.

I want to include this additional definition of hater from The Urban Dictionary:

6. Hater
Anyone with an opinion.

Guy 1: Bro, I don’t really like Drake.
Guy 2: What!?! Bro, you’re such a hater!

(It’s funny because it’s true.  On a side note – the number of corrections I had to make in that entry is sad.)

Of course people should express negative opinions. What dull conversations we’d have if we didn’t disagree with each other once in a while. But we must express those opinions without being insulting.  I actively disliked the beginning of the first Twilight book, so much so that I stopped reading it and I will not read the rest of the books in the series.  If someone asks me for my opinion, I will say as much, and if they press for more I will discuss my reasons for my dislike.  However, if someone is going on and on about how much they love those books, this is NOT an invitation for me to say “I hate them. Oh and by the way, you’re an idiot for loving them.”

They are expressing their opinion; they are not asking me for mine.

You can hate anything you want to hate. And when asked, you can express that hate.

But only when asked. Or when writing a blog post.

Otherwise, keep it to yourself.

10 thoughts on “Makes Me Mad: Haters

  1. Like I am not a fan of T.V. the rest of the family live for soaps “n” stuff but I don’t hate them for creeping away each night and feeding their habit. Great post again.

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    1. Thanks! Yeah – I used to be rather pretentious and point out to everyone that I don’t have cable and that I don’t watch TV, but I realized that makes me sound like a Hater, (which I failed to mention in the post is really synonymous with ‘snob.’) Now when people talk about their favorite shows, I just listen… nod and smile, nod and smile. It is just easier to be nice, sometimes. 🙂

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      1. Uh oh. You think it’s pretentious to say you don’t watch tv? In any context? My husband and I own a TV, but it’s covered in dust and it’s old and doesn’t have one of those converter thingies. So it’s not plugged in and never used, When it was used, it was used to watch movies or play games. So when someone asks me “have you seen x show?” I always say “we don’t have a tv” because it’s easier than explaining. And then I’ll listen and ask if it’s streamable on Netflix. I hope that doesn’t make me pretentious.
        On a similarly unrelated note, at a party I just threw, I was talking to my uncle (a media specialist in a middle school) and a good friend of mine from university (this uncle and I both love young adult lit. and he recommended Harry Potter and The.Hunger Games to me). We were talking about the books we were reading now, and I admitted I was rereading a Russian vampire series. My friend looked at me with mock scorn and asked if I read Twilight too. I was kind of embarrassed because my uncle had also recommended Twilight to me.
        Sorry for using your blog to just chatter on.

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      2. Don’t mind your chatter at all! That’s what comments are for. Not watching TV doesn’t make you pretentious, but pointing this fact out to people as if it makes you better than them does. I think the lesson is, again, if what you are about to say might hurt someones feelings, anyone’s feelings, even the feelings of someone you don’t really respect, just don’t say it.

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  2. Great post. Very thought provoking. I hate the word hate. When my kids us it, I tell them hate is a strong word…use dislike. I agree…I don’t care for country music but I respect that others love it. Oh, and I Love Dr. Who. How can anyone hate that show? The Weeping Angels episode rocks! Amy Pond is a great companion. Matt Smith is awesome.

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