It starts the same way.  I read something amazing, late at night after a glass, or three, of wine, and it changes me.  Ideas and energy and motivation seize my brain. Sometimes the hair on my arms will stand on end, reacting to the electricity surging through my veins. The right words in the right order and the message I’ve been waiting for my whole life is there on the page before me!  I run to the nearest paper and ink and scribble down the transformative thought. Then, I make a list.  A detailed, specific list of all the things I am going to do in the morning that will make my life better, stronger, richer, more exciting, passionate, better organized … etc.

I go to bed, my brain slightly sloshing in alcohol, fully expecting to be BETTER in the morning.

Tomorrow Morning everything will be different!

*

Tomorrow morning is now.  I left the list by the bedside table, upstairs, so far away from this chair in the kitchen which is so close to that beautiful lifesaver they call a coffee maker. One hand clutches the coffee mug and the other holds my phone where I tease my brain into wakefulness via the game wordfeud.  (Aside – I play against my sisters and my best friend from college and sometimes they pity me and let me win.  Should I tell them I only play in the morning before I turn on the computer because I know myself too well?  You see, if the computer is within reach while I am playing, I will cheat. No, I shouldn’t say that on my blog, which I know they read.  Ok – I’ll delete that line in the morning. )

*

To Do's
To Do’s (Photo credit: Courtney Dirks)

Repeat.  Different day, different words.

This is it!  The information I’ve been waiting for my whole life, right there in electronic Kindle ink.  This time I make the list in a clever little ‘listy remindy’ app on my phone that will beep at me every twenty minutes, forcing me to acknowledge the list all day long.  It all begins tomorrow morning!

Tomorrow Morning, now, again.  The app beeps at me, interrupting my super successful shuffle/stare/shuffle/stare wordfeud strategy.  I growl and ‘tap to dismiss’ the message about how doing 20 jumping jacks RIGHT NOW, will get my heart pumping, bring more oxygen to my brain and make me better/faster/stronger for hours.

The next time it beeps, I delete the app.

*

Repeat.  More words, more thoughts, more electricity, you know the routine –  I tape the list to the coffee maker.

Tomorrow Morning. I rinse the list in water then use it as a coffee filter since I’ve run out.  Note to self – add coffee filters to the next list.  (Aside – This will be really funny to people who remember the beginning of the movie, Romancing the Stone.)

*

Repeating actions and expecting different outcomes – I believe that is the definition of insanity.

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